I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
