i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
