your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I am morally bankrupt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
