So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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