i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
