She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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