A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
