It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
