I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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