it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
