walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
