definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Please don't give away my fajitas
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