when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
