Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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