Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
