His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
