I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
