Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
false alarm, still single
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
