thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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