either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
