my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
