i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
