I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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