Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
