my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
