when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
