I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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