basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
