do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The best revenge is premature balding
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
