dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
