ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She bit a glass in half.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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