new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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