and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize