I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize