my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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