grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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