I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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