guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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