Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
