that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
