I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
