Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
