fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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