Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
