She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
