My hand turned me down
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
