After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
