he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
