Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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