Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
