She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
