omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My feet surprised me
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