Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My feet surprised me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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