are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
