i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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