im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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