My hand turned me down
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
