she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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