you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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