I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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