yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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