I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
