I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
