I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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