dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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