Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
