I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
