Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize