Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
