So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
