oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also, beer. Big fan.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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