Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
