Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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