New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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