Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
