i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
